Kill the Irishman (2011) Written by:Jonathan Hensleigh & Jeremy Walters Directed by:Jonathan Hensleigh

     Why the hell hadn't I heard of this movie before? I really enjoyed this one. I probably started it a bit too late in the evening, but it kept me awake, and excited.

     This is the true story of Danny Greene (Ray Stevenson), a street wise tough guy who rises within the ranks of the Cleveland mob during the 1970's. Danny starts off as a decent enough guy, working in a grain silo on the Cleveland docks. He is then convinced to become the Dock Workers Union president. This leads to in house corruption, as soon to Danny's arrest. 

     Danny, knowing better than to be a snitch, serves his time, and upon his release gets entangled deeper in the seedy underbelly of the cities criminal world. As he digs himself deeper, we are introduced to a variety of great characters including John Nardi (Vincent D'Onofrio), who seems like he has high ambitions of becoming the cities top mob boss. He and Danny quickly become friends when Danny pays off a friends debt that was owed to John.

     John is also the man who sets Danny up with Shondor Birns (Christopher Walken), after Danny gets out of jail from the Union stint. Birns is a wiseguy Jew who knows a lot about numbers. I wish there was more character development with most of the guys in this movie, especially with Birns, but I'm sure the movie would end up being over three hours long. Unfortunately, we don't really find out too much more about Birns.

     On the other side of the law, we have Detective Joe Manditski (Val Kilmer). Joe grew up in the same neighborhood as Danny, so the two have a past. Even though Joe hopes to arrest Danny on some real charges that would put Danny away, he also aims to help Danny escape the criminal life because Joe knows that Danny is a decent guy.

     Then, in May of 1977, the mob families go to war, mostly over the chaos caused by Danny and his troupe. Dozens of bombings set the city ablaze, including one that was placed in Danny's car which he manages to escape from. Hoping to escape Cleveland, Danny approaches the New York mob boss with a proposal that would send Danny to Texas. The plan would set him on a cattle ranch and would still generate legitimate money for the mob.

     To say the least, no one gets their happy ending.

     This is probably my favorite mob story to come out since "Donnie Brasco" in 1997. I'm usually pretty harsh when it comes to mob movies. I liked the "Godfather" films, but I preferred the "Last Don" miniseries. I really liked "Goodfellas", but am not a fan of "Scarface". Maybe I'm just strange in that way? So when I review a mob movie and give it praise, I really believe it to be good! 

     There are some really stellar performances in this film. Not only by Ray Stevens, whom I think is very underrated, but Vincent D'Onofrio may be one of the best actors of our generation. You do get the usual suspects from any mob movie, like Mike Starr, Paul Sorvino, and Steve Schirripa. Then there are some really well played surprise performances by Linda Cardellini as Danny's wife Joan.

     I was also very fond of the camera angles and really superb lighting. This director understood the delicate line between telling a story and mob type gore as there wasn't a lot of blood shown. I think that the way that Hensleigh set up his shots really provided us with a stunning panel in which he told a great story.

Cargo (2017) Written by: Yolanda Ramke Directed by: Yolanda Ramke & Ben Howling

     This Netflix original was really fantastic. Actor Martin Freeman really took full advantage of this leading role which is so far away from, and so much more powerful than what I'm used to seeing from him. The locations and use of natural light and casting of the indigenous people of South Australia are superb and really help to impact the film. 

     Freeman plays Andy, a husband and new father traveling with his family along the waterways of Southern Australia. At first it seems as though the family may be on holiday, until Andy sees a family camping along the river. The father flashes a gun as Andy was politely waving to the mans young daughters. 

     We quickly discover that something is seriously wrong, and it doesn't seem localized, but probably wide spread across the continent. As their supplies and rations are running low, Andy spots a sailboat that has run aground and nearly capsized. Andy cautiously boards the boat to find a copious amount canned foods and other things that will greatly lend to his families survival.

     Andy returns and presents his findings with his wife, Kay (Susie Porter). An exhausted Andy retires to the cabin to take a nap, leaving his wife to crafting a mobile for little Rose, their daughter. Kay quickly finds a bottle of wine that Andy recovered from the partially sunken boat, that Andy has cleverly presented to her for their anniversary. This leads Kay to wanting to inspect the boat in an effort to repay the sentiment.

     Andy wakes to find that Kay was viciously attacked while on the other boat. She is suffering from a gaping wound on her leg that is bleeding profusely. Then we find out about the sickness that has hit, at least Australia. Andy and family dock and travel on land in search of a doctor that could possibly help Kay. It apparently take 48 hours for the virus to completely take over it's host, so time is of the essence.

     Once on land, we discover that the virus apparently causes it's host to become almost zombie like, as the infected crave blood and will consume flesh. As the virus progresses, it's host begins to lose control of their motor functions as well start to secrete a honey-like substance from their mouth and eyes. After escaping one of these "zombies", the family is involved in a car crash while trying to avoid someone, or something, standing in the road.

     Some time passes as Andy was knocked unconscious due to the wreck, but as he awakens, he discovers this dying wife has left a message in blood, "Save Her". This is obviously in reference to their infant daughter Rose. Upon investigation, Andy discovers that a large tree branch has penetrated their vehicle and impaled Kay, who's face is now covered in the honey like substance. A short struggle ensues and after Kay bites Andy, Andy is forced to end her life.

     As Andy assesses the future, he sets out with baby Rose to find someone who he can trust to care for Rose before his 48 hours expire.

     At the start of his journey, Andy meets Josie (Natasha Wanganeen), a young Aborigines girl that has been feeding and hiding her turned father. She is very stand-offish and their meeting is short lived. After some other chance meetings, Andy and Josie rediscover each other and Josie tells Andy about a magic man that can help him with his sickness. Andy obviously follows Josie on her journey home.

     This movie was really moving, mainly due to the fantastic presentation by Martin Freeman. I've always like him in anything I have ever seen of his filmography, however, I loved him in this film. His eyes portrayed the real depth of what it is to be a father trying to protect his child. The ability to risk everything about yourself, to ensure a better world for them. 

     I had guessed this was a "zombie" movie, and it does have a cool take on the genre, but this film was so much more than what I expected. I really want to recommend this film to everyone who reads this review. Definitely worth your time. Excellent film.

     

     

Week Of (2018) Written by:Adam Sandler & Robert Smigel Directed by:Robert Smigel

     Oh man was this a piece of shit!!!! Did Adam Sandler use up all of his funny or what? Chris Rock was even horrible in this! I couldn't even finish this one. Seeing how the last few years of film have gone for Sandler and company, I guess I should have expected this. At least I chuckled a few times during the last "Grown Ups" movie.

     I'm usually one to laugh at some pretty bad jokes, but the only joke was the film itself. Netflix really screwed the pooch with this. Sandler plays Kenny, a father who's dentist daughter (Allison Strong) is marrying her African-American doctor boyfriend, Tyler (Roland Buck III). Kenny has made all of the arrangements for the wedding and all of the boarding arrangements for both families. Of course, everything goes all Murphy's Law.

     Kenny's family is a blue-collar working family. Kenny lives in a modest house on Long Island with his wife Debbie (Rachel Dratch) and their four children. Debbie, of course is insane, and Kenny is her doormat. Meanwhile, Tyler's father (Rock) is a famous heart surgeon in Los Angeles who is definitely more accustomed to the finer things in life.

     Essentially, Kenny has made reservations for Tyler's family and his own incoming relatives to stay at the hotel that his company renovated. The hotel is equal to that of a Quality Inn and is also booked as the wedding venue. The place begins falling apart just as the guests start to arrive, leaving Kenny to make other arrangements on the fly. Those arrangements consist of everyone staying in his home.

     The same predictable hootenanny transpires from day to day, driving Kenny to the breaking point. I don't know why I agreed to watch this with my daughter. She usually has a great sense for good movies that don't look that good. She really failed me this time. But not as much as I've been failed by Adam Sandler.

     Where are the "Happy Gilmore"'s of today? What happened to the guy from "Big Daddy" or "Airheads"? I guess we are going to have to look to Indie films for our comedy now? It seems as though that is the only place to really find what you're looking for. Unless what you're looking for are comic book movies or action films. That's the only place that the big studios are getting it right.

     In the end, this was really a horrible film. It's not worth your time, at all. I wouldn't recommend this to anyone, not even the die hard Sandler fans. Sorry, just being honest.

      

Raw (2016) Written and Directed by:Julia Ducournau

     I really wasn't expecting this to be as good as it was. There was something about that opening scene that just grabbed me, and I couldn't have pulled myself away if I had wanted to. This film is a builder, with great pay-offs, and a really captivating story. I had an idea of where it was going before the film started, but even with knowing that, it was still full of surprises and an element of love that I wasn't expecting.

     Justine (Garance Marilliar) is a sort of veterinary phenom going into her first year at University. Justine is also a strict vegetarian. Justine's sister, Alexia (Ella Rumpf) also attends the same school and attempts to guide her younger sister through the turbulence of first year hazings. The hazings which unfortunately begin the first night.

     Justine is living in the school dorms, and is coupled with Adrien (Rabah Nait Oufella), a gay man who also knows her sister. Justine's innocence is prevalent as she puts up no fight with the rooming situation, or the fact that masked men have entered her dormitory and have thrown her mattress and clothing out of the window. All of which leads to the masked men taking the newbies, all in their night-clothes and under garments, to an underground party.

     The hazing continues as the upperclassmen dump blood all over the heads of the first years as they are preparing to have their class photo taken. Directly after, Justine and her classmates are forced to eat raw rabbit livers as another part of the hazing. Justine attempts to refuse, but is forced by Alexia to eat the liver. The ingestion of the meat causes Justine to develop a severe skin rash.

     As the rash heals, Justine starts to crave the taste of raw meat. She also begins to develop feelings for Adrien, who seems to be slightly more bisexual that completely homosexual. Justine decides to keep her new cravings a secret from everyone, including Alexia, who herself seems to have given up the lifestyle that her parents had forced upon her and Justine. Alexia is more wild and carefree. She also no longer claims to be vegetarian. 

     In an attempt to rid Justine of her virginity, Alexia begins to help her sister groom herself, starting with a bikini wax. During a weird mishap, Alexia proceeds to sever her finger with a pair of scissors. The loss of blood quickly causes Alexia to lose consciousness. Justine then takes the opportunity to devour her sisters lost finger, and the act is seen by the now awaken Alexia.

     We soon find that the craving for human flesh that Justine is experiencing is also shared by her sister. After a serious sibling fight, Alexia, being more adventurous and daring, decides to cause a car crash. In the immediate aftermath, Alexia begins to feed on the open wound of the cars passenger, and then invites Justine to join her. Justine does.

     After a sexual deflowering by Adrien, Justine's cravings continue to grow until one morning she awakens next to Adrien who is now dead. Justine pulls back the sheets to reveal that most of Adrien's upper thigh has been viciously gnawed and devoured to the bone. In a frenzy, probably believing she had eaten him in her sleep, Justine surprisingly finds Alexia in a state of shock, sitting covered in blood on the kitchen floor.

     Justine calmly showers her sister, dresses her, and calls the police. Next we see Alexia in prison being visited by Justine and their parents. Cut scene again to find Justine at home, not wanting to eat her vegetables. Her distressed mother demands she eat and exits the room leaving Justine alone with her father. As they begin to talk, the father tells Justine that what has happened is not her fault, nor is it Alexia's fault. He proclaims the family's fractured state as being his fault for not finding a way to help. He starts to retell of he and his wife's first date, and how he knew right away that they belonged together. While speaking his fingers find the small buttons of his shirt. Has hs finishes his story, he opens his shirt wide to reveal the many open wounds and scar tissue from his wife's feedings. It truly was a family affair.

     This movie was so surreal that it kept me engaged the full length of the film. The French have a way of blending suspense and gore in such a delicate way, that when you are presented with the gore, it's almost an after thought to the viewer. I absolutely love the foreshadowing from the opening scene. The end revelation that the craving didn't only fall on the sisters, but on the females of the family. The acting was beautifully delivered and so very believable. This was truly a gem.

Deadpool 2 (2018) Written by:Rhett Reese, Paul Wernick, Ryan Reynolds Directed by:David Leitch

     Oh WOW!!! Exactly what I came for!!! One of very few sequels that actually exceed the original film. Although, I'm sure some will argue that. My wife does, but she's weird like that. This film was really laugh-out-loud hilarious!

     So, anyone who knows me, knows my hatred for Deadpool creator Rob Liefeld. I need you to know that the Deadpool we see in the movies and read in the current comics is NOT the same as what Liefeld created! It wasn't until Daniel Way took over the character the he became the Wade Wilson that we know and love. So thank you Mr. Way!!!

     This movie is slap-stick, action, drama, everything you want all rolled into one film. That is what you get when you have a passion project that gets the green light like this franchise was for Ryan Reynolds. I read once that years before the original Deadpool movie was being written, Reynolds was pushing to write and star in a live action film for the Flash. When he couldn't sell the idea, he made Green Lantern. Thankfully, Deadpool corrected that for us!!! Just make sure to watch the mid-credit scenes.

     After having suffered a significant blow to his personal life, Deadpool becomes an X-Men trainee. While on a mission, Deadpool and company run into a fiery young mutant named Russell (Julian Dennison). Russell is in the midst of trying to escape an test facility run by the Essex Corporation (Mr. Sinister). After a bit of a tussle with Russell, Deadpool and Russell are captured and placed in a power dampening collar.

     Enter Cable (Josh Brolin)!!! Cable is a time traveling badass on a mission to kill Russell before he becomes the killer that torches Cable's family in the future. The ensuing onslaught by Cable gives Wade and Russell the chance to escape their confines, although Russell is quickly recaptured.

     Wade decides that he needs to form his own team in an effort to save Russell and stop Cable. Wade enlists the help of his trusty/cowardly friend Weasel (TJ Miller) to vet the applicants. The team is eventually made up of Shatterstar (Lewis Tan), Bedlam (Terry Crews), Zeitgeist (Bill Skarsgard), The Vanisher (Brad Pitt), Domino (Zazie Beetz), and the mustached, powerless neighbor Peter (Rob Delaney).

     Surprisingly, the entire team, other than the lucky Domino, are killed, in hilarious fashion,  at the beginning of the rescue mission. This leads into and awesome chase scene as Cable tries to kill Russell while he is being transported to a new facility. However, Russell has other plans! While Deadpool and Cable are beating the hell out of each other, Russell unveils his new friend, the Juggernaut!

     After escaping the clutches of Cable and literally ripping Deadpool in half, the CG Juggernaut and Russell head out on a mission to kill the head of the research facility that held Russell captive for so long and did so many unspeakable experiments on him. Forced to team-up, Cable still is set on killing Russell, but agrees to give Deadpool a chance to save him before he makes his first kill.

     With the help of Cable, Domino, Colossus (voiced by Stefan Kapicic), Negasonic Teenage Warhead (Brianna Hildebrand), her new girlfriend Yukio (Shioli Kutsuna), and Deadpool's trust cabbie Dopinder (Karan Soni), Deadpool is able to defeat the Juggernaut and convince Russell to spare the life of the headmaster (Eddie Marsan).

     Unfortunately, Cable was made to use the last of his time-traveling fuel to win the day. Therefore, he is unable to return to his own time. Knowing that his family is now alive and well, he decides to remain in our time and help keep the future a good place.

     I love the fact that Deadpool has NTW and Yukio fix Cable's time-traveling device so he can go back in time and fix mistakes. Things like the version of Deadpool from the Wolverine movie; our Deadpool shoots and kills him. We then see Deadpool assassinate Ryan Reynolds before he has the chance to play Green Lantern. We hear Wade exclaim that his is fixing the timeline, which makes me wonder if this is the lead in for having the mutants join the regular MCU?

     This movie was so great!!! I loved all of the little references, cameo appearances, and poking fun at everything Reynolds could think of. I love how Reynolds keeps poking the Hugh Jackman/Wolverine bear. This is definitely not for the smaller kids, but anyone over 13 would really enjoy this! There is also a poke at Rob Liefeld for not being able to draw feet, which may make this my favorite film of all time! Maybe?

     I will also say that every actor, other than maybe Brad Pitt, put in wonderful performances. So friendly to the source material. The interactions between Cable and Deadpool is making me crave seeing Deadpool alongside of Spider-Man or Wolverine. I'm salivating for a follow up film already! Such a fun film!!!!

Wonder (2017) Written by:Stephen Chbosky & Steven Conrad Directed by:Stephen Chbosky

     This was one of those movies that I was trying to put off for as long as I could. I don't do well with sad movies involving children and I had expected this one to be extremely sad. Maybe I'm just more of a pessimist than I'd like to believe? However, my daughter sort of forced my wife and I to watch this with her over the weekend, and I guess I should just say, "Thanks Sam'. All of us really enjoyed Wonder!

     Wonder follows a short period of the life of August "Auggie" Pullman, a kid that suffers from facial deformities due to numerous surgeries he has had since birth. Up until now Auggie has been home schooled to spare him the cruelty of other children. Now it's time for Auggie to enter the sixth grade, and his parents have decided that it may be time for him to attend a regular school before heading into junior high.

     Auggie is played beautifully by newcomer Jacob Tremblay. It's amazing how young Jacob can express so much emotion through his eyes and movements, considering that most of his face is covered in prosthetics. I really hope there is a long and bright future for this young thespian.

     I love how this movie didn't just follow Auggie. This is really a story about a family that fights, and perseveres through so much, and have for so long. Auggie's mom Isabel (Julia Roberts) has tended to Auggie since the day he was born. She had been in the final year of her Master degree when Auggie was born and was unable to finish her thesis, but has now decided to try to complete it since her son will be school all day. 

     For some reason, I've never been a fan of Julia Roberts, even though I've never seen her play a role poorly. She always delivers and she does again in Wonder. I will say that I think she has really pulled off much better roles as she has aged. She makes me see the character, and not just the actress. If that makes any sense? I really hope that is seen as a complement.

     Auggie's father is played very sympathetically by Owen Wilson. He tries to be the fun dad, but it's obvious that just below the surface is a fear for his son. He knows that his son will have to face some hard times and mean kids, and that he will not be able to fully protect Auggie. He bears the weight of any father, but with the added sum due to Auggie's deformities.

     Again, Owen Wilson is an actor with whom I'm not the biggest fan. Again, for no real valid reasons. I've loved a lot of the films he has been in, but most of the time I've just seen Owen Wilson, and not his character, this was not true in this film. He really gave an excellent performance.

     Finally, you have Via (Izabela Vidovic), Auggie's older sister. I absolutely loved this character. There was so much that she has given up and sacrificed for her brother. Yet, she has never blamed him, or really resented him for it. She has always just wanted to love and protect him, and be the best big sister she could. Then, once she gains the attention of a boy (Nadji Jeter), she decides to take some time for herself, and tells the boy that she, like him, is an only-child. Thankfully, she doesn't keep the secret long, and finds that her new beau is extremely understanding and loving of her and her situation.

     As one could imagine, Auggie must deal with many situations, including trying to make friends, figuring out how to navigate through the fear, misunderstanding, and cruelty. Although, with the help of his family, his Principal (Manny Patinkin), his teacher (Daveed Diggs), and his one "real" friend, Jack Will (Noah Jupe).

     I will say that I have always loved Manny Patinkin, ever since I saw "The Princess Bride". This role seemed different than anything I've seen him play. There was a quiet wisdom and understanding that he portrayed better than I've ever seen from another actor? He subtly stole every scene he was in. He was a real force in this film.

     This film told the story of a young man with more drive, perseverance, and heart than most three times his age. He had a sense of humor and an easiness about him that made him approachable, even if most of the other kids didn't want too. I loved this movie, and the only tears that were shed, were tears of joy. Definitely family friendly and should be watched by younger kids in a hope they can form a sense of acceptance. Have fun. 

Kodachrome (2017) Written by:Johnathan Tropper Directed by:Mark Raso

     I decided to watch this last night, on a whim, and was pleasantly surprised. I haven't always been a big Jason Sudeikis fan. He did start to win me over a little in the "We're the Millers" film, but I think I'm completely on board now!  Ed Harris, on the other hand, has always been on my favorites list. He shows why in this film! I think I liked this movie more than I realized last night.

     Matt Ryder (Sudeikis) works for a record label, signing rock bands. He's had massive luck in the past, but he hasn't been able to sign any major bands in some time. After loosing what would be a huge artist, he is facing being fired. He promises his boss that he will be signing a highly sought after band that has rejected him in the recent past.

     As Matt looks for refuge in his office, he is greeted by Zoe (Elizabeth Olsen), a very beautiful woman who explains that she is the nurse of his estranged father, Ben (Harris), who is dying from cancer. Ben is a famous photographer who was absent for most of Ben's life.

     There is a high level of resentment that Matt holds for his father, and isn't interested in seeing him. Zoe explains that Ben wants to drive from New York to Kansas in order to develop some roles of film that Ben took in his past. The company that is able to develop the Kodachrome film will be closing and the film will not ever be able to be developed again.

     Matt decides to visit Ben, after much debate from Zoe. Matt is greeted by both Zoe and Larry (Dennis Haysbert), Ben's agent. They inform Matt further on Ben's diagnosis as Matt makes his way into his fathers room. We quickly find that Ben is quite the asshole, not only to Matt, but to most people around him. Matt leaves abruptly, vowing to not see his father again.

     It isn't until later that night, when Matt receives a call from Larry with the offer of getting Matt a sit down meeting with the very band that Matt is seeking to sign in exchange for taking Ben on his journey to Kansas. Matt begrudgingly agrees. And Zoe is, of course, going with them.

     The trip is not an easy one. Ben, being old school, demands the trip be completely analog; while Matt is set on using GPS, and listening to digital music. Father and son butt heads at every impasse. Luckily for Matt, the beautiful Zoe is a welcome distraction. Along the way, Ben requests to stop at his brother's house. It was Ben's Brother Dean (Bruce Greenwood) and Sister-in-Law Sarah (Wendy Crewson) who raised Matt after his mother died when Matt was 13.

     Ben's arrival seems very off-putting by both Dean and Sarah, who are also very happy to see Matt. During the visit, some drinking occurs and Matt and Zoe share their first "moment" in a budding attraction on both parties. However, the next morning, Ben reveals that he and Sarah had had a very brief encounter before she and Dean were married.  The ripples from this omission call for a prompt departure from the traveling threesome.

    Finally arriving in Kansas, Matt and company proceed to deliver Ben's film to the small development company where Matt witnesses a group of professional photographers thank his father for his work. They are expressing how important Ben's work was to them and exclaiming that it was Ben's work that led them into photography and some very successful careers.

     Matt has never seen this side of Ben, and slowly starts to realize how important his father's work has been. You can see the sense of astonishment seep onto Matt's face. You see his forgiveness for his fathers past. Now it's time for Matt to have the meeting with his rock band.

     As Matt gets a verbal confirmation from the band, the members notice that Ben has lost control of his bodily functions and start to mock him. Zoe rushes Ben from the room, but manages to overhear Matt as he rescinds the offer to the band and scolds them for their actions.

     Ben, in a fit a rage and embarrassment, fires Zoe, who seeks out the company of Matt in a nearby bar. As the two begin to drink, one thing quickly leads to another and we find Zoe inviting Matt into her room. Fast forward to the morning, and Matt finds Zoe in a manic state, collecting her things as she jettison's to the airport, leaving Matt to care for Ben.

     As Matt arrives to collect Ben from his room, he finds that his father has fallen and is then rushed to the local hospital. It's here that Matt is told that his father is being kept comfortable, and will be unable to travel back home. However, Matt has other ideas! Matt kidnaps Ben and they travel back to the area where they wait the processing of the film. Because of the crowd of analog photographers ascending on the small town, Matt and Ben are forced to share a room. It is upon Matt's exiting of the shower that he discovers that Ben, his father, has succumb to his cancer.

     We see the body of Ben being wheeled from the hotel while a gathering of photographers line the path with their cameras facing the sky in memoriam to their fallen idol. Later, Larry accompanies Matt at a diner near the photolab, where Matt is soon presented with the photos and slides from his fathers roles of Kodachrome. It is then explained that these shots were meant for Matt to see, and not to be shared with the public.

     Matt travels back to New York and back to his fathers home. He tries to contact Zoe with no avail. Matt decides to chase his dreams, and to not give up on things that are important to him. You see him pick up his fathers drum sticks and start playing. Finally, Matt enters his fathers viewing room. He loads the slides and see himself. He see him as a baby, playing with his deceased mother. He sees himself the way his father saw him, as an innocent child, being loved. As he is consuming and accepting the fact that his father did actually love and care for him, Zoe returns.

     This is a very touching story that reminds us that we never really know how someone else sees us. We never really know what's inside of the people who know us. Even our parents. Unless you're a parent, you'll never know the love that they have for their children. I tell my kids this all the time. This was a very touching story and moving. I'm very glad that I stumbled upon this film. 

     

Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (2017) Written by:Chris McKenna Directed by:Jake Kasdan

     Here is another movie that I almost can't believe that I even watched, let alone am writing a review for. My family and I sat down to watch this together last night, and we all had a great time! This movie was actually hilarious!

     In this sequel we see that the classic board game has transformed itself into a video game and console to draw players in. I was a bit curious as to how they would bring this story to life, but they did a fine job by bringing the players directly into the video game. Just wish they would have done something as a nod to the late, great Robin Williams.

     First we have Spencer (Alex Wolff), a nerdy guy who is manipulated into helping an old friend, Fridge (Ser'Darius Blain), by doing his homework for him. Fridge is a huge athlete, who was friends with the small nerdy Spencer until about the 7th grade, when their paths forked. It's soon discovered by a teacher that Spencer had been writing the papers for Fridge, thus giving them both detention.

     Next we have Bethany (Madison Iseman), a self absorbed, selfie taking, popular girl. Bethany is addicted to her cell phone and is busted making a video call during an exam. Again, landing her in detention.

     The final detention spot is filled by Martha (Morgan Turner), a feisty redhead who would rather be in Geometry class than Gym. She also has no qualms about telling the gym teacher about how much gym is a waste of time.

     After being sentenced to removing staples from thousands of magazines, Fridge finds the mysterious console and Spencer hooks it up. The four students choose characters and are sucked into the game!  Spencer has chosen to play Dr. Smolder Bravestone (Dwayne Johnson). He's a "Rock" solid adventurer with no weaknesses or flaws. Next drops the Fridge. He picked to play as Moose Finbarn (Kevin Hart), a zoologist and weapons valet who's weaknesses are Speed, Stamina, and Cake? Bethany has chosen to play as Professor Shelly Oberon (Jack Black) who is a map reading person (lol). And finally we have Martha who chose to play as Ruby Roundhouse (Karen Gillam), the "Killer of Men", who's only weakness is venom and strengths include "Dance Fighting"?

     The four quickly discover that, like in most video games, they have three lives in which to banish a curse which has fallen all throughout the jungle of Jumanji. They are opposed by Van Pelt (Bobby Cannavale), a fellow adventurer who found the Gem of the Jaguar and became able to control all wildlife within Jumanji. The heroes are tasked with returning the gem and breaking the curse in order to revive Jumanji and return home.

     I'll begin by admitting that I am not usually a fan of Kevin Hart. However, he may have changed my mind with this performance and in another role from the film "Get Hard". Having lost two feet from the real world version of himself, Kevin Hart is now the smaller man between he and Spencer. You can tell that this causes him to understand what it's been like for Spencer in the real world. It's so hilarious when he finds himself spouting random facts about every animal they encounter, and then frantically asking, "Why do I know that"?

     I've always thought that Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson had a great comedic timing and presence. This film affirmed that completely. From scenes where he runs as soon as danger presents itself, or by the continuous state of awe Spencer is in from his new physique, the Rock is so funny. I really prefer his comedic role to his action roles.

     I could watch Karen Gillam all day! The gorgeous redhead and one of the stars in the Marvel Universe (Nebula), and former star of the Dr. Who series, trades her scholastic brains for feminine brawn. She quickly adapts to her new abilities and although she seems a little stiff in this film, she still was able to pull it off. Just not sure if she is cut for comedy?

     In my opinion, Jack Black made this movie! He was phenomenal!  Black, playing a teenage girl trapped in his middle-aged body is comedic gold! I totally lost it when Bethany (Black) had to ask Kevin Hart for help urinating. She didn't know how to use her "outdoor" plumbing. Beyond that was the way Black flirted with Alex (Nick Jonas), the first victim of the transformed game, who had been stuck inside Jumanji for 20 years. Black has the perfect "batty" eyes and "come hither" smile that only comes with completely being in touch with your feminine side. So damn funny!!!

     I'll also say that Bobby Cannavale (Van Pelt) played an awesome villain! I wish he had more screen time! Cannavale is always superb in any role. I always think about his role in the small film "The Station Agent". Such a great performance. Happy to see him in this type of role. Seemed different than anything else I have seen him in.

     This movie was really fun and had a really great cast. It's definitely family friendly and suitable for all ages. It was truly a very pleasant surprise.

   

Clerks (1994) Written and Directed by Kevin Smith

     I will always remember the first time I saw this movie. I was at Woodstock in 1994. It was late and there was a huge sheet drawn up on the side of the stage. Next thing I know I look up and they are playing this movie. I fell in love instantly. It felt gritty and like nothing I had ever seen before. It was my generation, the people I was surrounded by, and people just like me and my friends, up there on the really "big screen"!

     When I got back home to Cincinnati, I had to find out as much as I could about this movie, who made it, and how I could get more! This was before the days of the internet, so I had to rely on magazines to get this info. It took forever! Eventually, I think in a copy of Spin or Rolling Stone, I found the name....Kevin Smith. I read about how he had taken out a bunch of credit cards and borrowed as much money as he could to make his movie. This guy was completely inspiring, and, like me, a chubby bearded guy with obvious issues. He cast his friends and filmed in the actual store he worked.

     I loved the dialog in this movie. The constant banter between Dante (Brian O'Halloran) and Randal (Jeff Anderson) was so fun and quick witted. Randal quickly became my movie icon! He was rude, and intelligent! He didn't really care if he offended anyone and always spoke his truth. This may not have been the best person for me to idolize?

     Anyway, enough praising. The movie follows Dante Hicks, a lovable pushover who would rather sleep in the closet instead of making his dog get off of the bed. Anyway, Dante has a dilemma, he is currently dating Veronica (Marilyn Ghigliotti) and has been talking extensively on the phone with ex-girlfreind, Caitlin (Lisa Spoonauer). The phone conversations have left Dante believing that there may be a chance to rekindle their relationship, until Randal exposes Caitlin's wedding announcement in the local newspaper. Everything seems to be going wrong for Dante, being stuck at work, on a day that he wasn't even supposed to be there.

     Now, while Veronica is loyal and faithful, even bringing Dante lasagna for lunch, Dante pines over the love/infatuation he had with Caitlin. This is exacerbated when Veronica and Dante have a conversation regarding past sexual partners. Veronica a very small number of sexual partners while Dante has had many more. A short while later, a customer, Willam (Scott Mosier) enters and recognizes Veronica. He exits and Dante inquires on how Veronica knows him. She tells Dante that they call him "Snowball" due to a specific sexual act he enjoys. Thus causes the argument on whether or not oral sex is the same as intercourse. While Veronica has only had a limited number of intercourse partners, she has obviously had a lot of oral partners. 36!!! 37 if you include Dante.

     That was one of the funniest on screen interactions I've ever witnessed. Such brilliant writing and honest delivery by both actors. This is what the entire film was, writing and delivery that were honestly top shelf. You can obviously tell that this was a very low budget movie, but that didn't stop Smith from delivering. I believe this is the film, and the man, that gave birth to the "Indie" films we are blessed with today.

     In addition to all of that, we are also introduced to one of the greatest comedic duos in history, Jay and Silent Bob!!! Jason Mewes brings to life the role of Jay. He's a stoner with possible ADHD disorder, who is super hyper and equally as crude. Silent bob is played by the man himself, Kevin Smith. Bob is a quiet guy that gives the feeling that he is always in deep thought, or just really high. The legend is that the role of Jay was just Jason being himself. Which I find disturbingly hilarious!

     Eventually, Caitlin makes an appearance at the Quick Stop to visit Dante and explain the wedding announcement as being published by her wishful mother. Thus, she and Dante make a date arrangement for later that evening. Finally things are staring to look up for our hero. While Dante leaves to prepare, Caitlin arrives and is greeted by Randal. Now, while Randal works at the video store next to the Quick Stop, he is not the best person to leave in charge of a store; seeing as he has already sold cigarettes to a four year old. Caitlin asks to use the bathroom and is warned that the lights are broken. She decides to take the risk and exits stage left.

     Almost immediately, Dante returns and continues his conversation with Randal. Next we see Caitlin exiting the restroom looking completely disheveled and smiling. Seems that in her confusion, she found someone in the darkened bathroom and thought it to be Dante. Instead we find that it was the corpse of an earlier customer having had a heart attack while masturbating in the restroom. The realization of which sends Caitlin into a catatonic state and she is whisked away in an ambulance.

     The end leaves Silent Bob delivering his lone line to Dante, "You know, there's a million fine looking women in the world dude. But they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of them just cheat on you." Poetic! Philosophic!

     While this movie is hilarious, there are some rather crude jokes that would keep me from recommending for someone under 13. That being said, I think most 13 year olds would absolutely love this!

     The movies that Kevin Smith has put out have changed my life. Really. They have made me realize that it's ok to be a geek. That sometimes the good guy does win. They have opened my eyes to issues I used to not think about, and has given me an understanding I may not have had otherwise. And they have taught me that I can be myself, the glorious asshole that I am. Thanks Kevin, and please never stop making your fantastic films. Even if they are like Tusk or Yoga Hosers!!

   

The Room (2003) written and directed by: Tommy Wiseau

 

      Well here is an hour and thirty-nine minutes I will never get back, thanks to my son! The Room is, in my humble opinion, the weirdest attempt at real film making that you will ever come across! It's been a couple of months since my son aggravated me enough to sit down and watch this "movie", and I'm still not sure what the hell it was really about, or even if it was real or a bad dream.

     Tommy Wiseau is somewhat of an enigma. He completely funded this film on his own which is estimated to have cost around $6 million, as well acting as a first time writer and director. No one knows how he came upon his money, his age, or his national origin. He did say in 2017 that he was from the Polish city Poznan. Wiseau also claims an age that would put his date of birth around 1969, though that is not really believable based on his appearance.

     The Room is based on an unpublished novel that Wiseau wrote in the 1990's that follows Johnny (Wiseau) and his increasingly bored girlfriend Lisa (Juliette Danielle). As Johnny spends more time at work, Lisa decides to seduce Johnny's best friend, Mark, played by Greg Sestero. Greg attempts to hold Lisa at bay, albeit, not very well, for most of the film. The film concludes with Greg and Lisa admitting their love for each other to Johnny who is unable to take the news.

     This film is filled with gratuitous sex, and the worst line delivery you will ever see or hear. Not to mention that every scene just seems disjointed and without any merit at all. My son was also very pleased to point out to me that almost every picture frame in the film was filled with photos of spoons! Yeah, spoons. Believe me, I couldn't make this shit up!

     As if all of that wasn't bad enough, you also have Denny, a young neighbor boy played by Philip Haldiman. Denny is quite possibly the most disturbing characters I've ever seen on film. Not to mention that I was always expecting him to join Johnny and Lisa in their awkward love making. They seemed just seconds away from inviting him into their bed every time Denny was on screen.

     There was just so much unbelievable stuff going on in this film that it almost made me cry because I could not believe what I was seeing. As you can imagine, this film has been bashed by nearly every film critic in the world. However, it has become somewhat of a cult-classic, having midnight showings all over the world. Now, I will never put it up there with the Rocky Horror Picture Show, and I can't believe others are so loose with that comparison, but it has gripped the minds of many of today's youth, including my son.

     As a bit of irony, Greg Sestero wrote a book about the making of "The Room" entitled "The Disaster Artist", which went on to be an Oscar winning film by James Franco. While Wiseau initially claimed this film to be his masterpiece, after he saw it was being viewed as a laughing stock, he claimed it was always a comedy. Of course this just lent to the enigma that is still Tommy Wiseau.

     I'm not sure that I feel comfortable recommending this to anyone who is not bent on seeing "The Disaster Artist", but it is acceptable to anyone over 16. I give it a half star. This film is really just so stupid that it's funny.